Farewell, Morgantown

Today is a day of many hellos. You’ll be meeting professors, classmates, drivers who hit you in the crosswalk, and people around your dorm. To that extent, allow me to introduce myself - I’m Greg. Now it’s time for me to bid you farewell.

It’s not that I don’t like you, or that the strange odor that envelopes you is unpleasant, I’ve just managed to scrap together a degree, so it’s time for me to go. I know we only just met, but it’s for the best.

Granted, some of you already know me, and for that I extend my deepest condolences. I can be rather opinionated from time to time, but that’s because they pay me to be and money is awesome – almost as cool as cash. It’s not that I have a grudge against Silent Hill, see – it was just a terrible movie. Really, it was.

But enough about me, let’s talk about you. That skirt looks really cute on you (unless, of course, you’re of the male persuasion, in which case you should really change into jeans). I have a little Morgantown experience under my belt (read: some drunks ripped off my side-view mirror once), so maybe I can not only help you out a bit, but actually tie it all back to film in some convoluted way.

It’s bound to be more entertaining than Silent Hill (seriously – it was bad).

I’ll start off with a slew of random advice that I can earnestly pass on from my own experiences – stuff that can’t be learned in any classroom. First, go to your classrooms (at the scheduled times). Professors will tell you stuff that generally pops up on tests later on. That, and you’re paying for it.

Along that line, don’t use credit cards (especially mine). They cause cancer in laboratory animals and bring grown men to tears (sorry, Dad).

When the time comes to have some fun, don’t forget that enjoying some cinema is a far more attractive option than getting drunk and setting a record for most consecutive appearances in Campus Crime (hey – there’s the tie-in!). There’s plenty of time to get drunk at breakfast – nighttime is movie time, and you have a lot of options.

Carmike Theaters and Hollywood Theaters both feature twelve screens, stadium seating, and a clutch student discount. Carmike has a bit of an edge in the form of brand new digital projectors (“digital” being Portuguese for “awesome”), but either is a grand venue to partake in anything cinematic.

A jaunt down High Street will land you at The Warner Theatre, a renovated theater that harkens to a time when Portugal had no idea what “awesome” even meant. Every Mountaineer should partake in at least one screening at The Warner during their stay in Morgantown – it is a rite of passage, of sorts, and looks really good on your resume.

But if movies aren’t your cup of tea, first off, thanks for reading this far – that’s impressive determination. Secondly, there are lots of other fun ways to pass your free time in Morgantown. Dating me would have been a good option, but that opportunity has come and gone. You can’t date a column (except maybe on Facebook), and that’s pretty much all I’ve left behind.

Football games are another good option, what with Pat White, Steve Slaton, and an awesome marching band, as are any number of the awesome concerts that rock the local venues. They serve beer at most of these places, and even let you drink it if you’re old enough.

Four years can really fly by (which is why I drug it out with some summer classes… every year), so use your time wisely. Spend it making new friends and not breaking people’s side-view mirrors (or watching Silent Hill – I can’t stress that enough). It won’t be long before you’ll be writing your own farewell column (maybe), and you want to be sure you have something worth writing about.

As for me, it’s just about that time. My years have already passed and my column inches are running few. I’d like to send out a very special thanks to the many friends I made here and wish them the best of luck in the future – you’re good guys and gals, and I’m proud to have known you. To all of those that I just met today, I extend equal well-wishing. Stay the course and you’ll be surprising yourself in no time.

Let’s Go Mountaineers!

Originally appeared in The Daily Athenaeum on August 21, 2006. © 2006 The Daily Athenaeum.